Lets address the obvious first...
New blog name - Hold Him Tight...this is a new year and a new start for me. Something fresh, something positive and in a way..a new focus! I want to focus on my son (I want to hold him tight!), myself and make 2016 the best year yet!
In order to move forward, I think you need to address the past and learn from it....so, I thought what better way to address the past and look to the future is a recap of the year that was. A great idea that I have pinched from the net is to assign a word/phrase to a month or time period...so here goes!
January - March
...Tired...
Aaahhhh...the first few months with a newborn and the endless lack of sleep. I did not cope well. Really...that is an understatement. Me and sleep go hand in hand. We love each other, we appreciate each other! I never realised how important sleep was until it was taken away.
I look back on this time and think...was it really that bad? was I that tired? (YES) and then I go...man I really miss that newborn phase. They're so tiny, they rely on you for everything!
April
...Rhythym...
This was the month that I found myself finally settling into some sort of pattern. I was overjoyed at this. I had found comfort in the fact that I knew my sons' schedule enough to venture out and get things done. I was getting out of the house regularly enough to feel human and I was seemingly getting everything together. Yay for me!
May
...Anxious...
The month I returned to work. The big boss had called me earlier in the year to ask me when I would be returning and I casually said that "I would totally be ready to return in May". At the time I thought that going back part time with a 5 month old would be the greatest...but in reality it tore my heart out! I was anxious about work and if it would be the same, I was worried about my son being looked after by family (although this has proven to be a godsend - thanks to my mum and MIL) and also just trying to fit back in and be the same person that could do it all.
June
...birthday...crawling practice...proud...
Another year down..another birthday celebration. Turning 33 was hard!. I really don't feel 33...I still feel as though I'm young at heart and always will be. I did get spoilt by work, friends and family which was really nice!
It was at this time that I felt really proud of where I was and what I had accomplished. I had a beautiful baby boy, I had returned to work, I still had time for myself and was accomplishing everything that I had set out to.
It was also the month that my brother had took it upon himself to teach/encourage my little man to crawl. Every week at nanna's place - the brother was at it. "Pushing the little man to move" as he would say! Many an afternoon was spent encouraging bubba to go for toys!
July
...solids...mothers group...support...
I can say that without a shadow of a doubt that I have a pretty awesome mothers group. Throughout July I had been feeling quite down about the whole prospect of solids and making the whole transition to food with the little man...only because of his past tummy troubles. It was at this time that I took to my mothers group chat and confided in them that I was at the end of my rope with solids and was just not feeling the greatest about anything... To their credit they jumped at the chance to help me, guide me, just listen to me and be there for me. I stopped comparing myself and my child to all the other people in my life and knew that it would be okay in the end and that it would all happen when it was supposed to.
August
...wedding...family...
The beginning of the month was great! I was all geared up for a best friends' wedding, I had a gorgeous dress, I had sorted my make-up and I had a hunky husband to take along with me. The wedding day itself was beautiful! The bride looked smashing! The bridesmaid (my other bestie) looking gorgeous and the day itself was just magical. The hubby and I had made sure that the little one was being looked after so we could have a good time and let loose a little.
After the wedding, sensing that we (hubby and I) needed to reconnect or needed to spend more time together as a family I planned a day out at the Auburn Botanical Gardens. The day was lovely, the weather was warm, the time we spent together as a family was just what we needed!
September
...depression...
Knowing that things in life had been getting to me lately but trying to think that I was okay and that life would go on was taking its toll. Work hadn't been the same, life hadn't been joyful and crying was becoming a regular thing for me...I decided to seek some help. Seeing a doctor and getting diagnosed with depression was eye-opening! Had I been like this for a long time? Could others see it? Could they sense it? What happens next?
What I learnt at the time was to actually accept the feelings and address them and to be okay with saying "I need help".
October - November
...coping...learning...accepting...
I had been "coping" for a while and figured that I could continue to do so. But once you open up and address what's going on, you realise that what you have been doing is hindering you and not helping. I was able to get help, I still am getting help and I continue to learn and grow from the experience. I am accepting of what's happened.
December
...1yr old...
We celebrated the 1st birthday of our little man and couldn't have been happier with how he has grown and developed in this last year. I am personally looking forward to what 2016 will bring and through this process of reflection I have seen how events and moments impact us, but also highlight how we can grow and learn!
Here's to the next year. Let's be positive, honest and open!
Mel xxx
