Got my groove back!

It may seem small to some people but when you feel like you are being supressed by a group of supposed friends, the release of the supression is just magical! I have been free of these people for 3 or 4 weeks now and feel like myself once more.

I am back to the carefree person that I once was and am beginning to love life once again!

One of the things that comes hand in hand with my happiness is being happy and feeling like 'me' in clothes. I have done some shopping lately (much to the disappointment of my mother I'm sure) & have found some great things that are making me feel like ME again!

Item 1 - Kardashian Kollection handbag:

Bags tend to be very seasonal and I have always been caught up by buying a 'new season' bag and then get disappointed when it really doesn't see me out through the whole time - granted I am very impulsive but I like to have that one key piece that will see me through and I feel like with the bag it will!

Item 2 - City Chic Beaded top: 

With new and exciting things happening in my future it's always good to have staples in your wardobe. A white top can take you anywhere, the office, the club, etc. This beaded top along with my next item can funk up those clothing blues and give you a little sparkle in your day!

Item 3 - Statement Blazer:

This citrine blazer jumped out at me and smacked me in the face as soon as I saw it. The bright colour lured me in, but then the feel of the fabric tugged me even more! It's a very soft t-shirt type material, its not too heavy, not too light and can be dressed up or down. I have also put up a photo of the white top and the blazer to see how they effortlessly work together. 

Item 4 - City Chic Snakeskin shoes:

Can you believe these were $20!!!

I actually bough these online and am so happy with how they look! I must admit I don't even wear heels anymore, but these looked so low that I wouldn't hurt myself. Those close to me will know that I am without a doubt a very clumsy person when it comes to my left ankle....

With all the new things happening in my life, I don't really have a focus for this blog yet...sorry! As you can see it has a new name (again...) , but I feel like this fits at the moment and kind of explains my freedom! Please bare with me as I find my way through the blogosphere and find topics to chat about and blog about!

Mel xx

Musical Therapy

If there is one thing that helps you, heals you and gets you into a particular headspace...its music!

I have never really thought about this until recently...why? I'm not really sure..but Sam Smith's recent album 'Drowning Shadows edition' got me thinking all sorts of things and it made me realise how much music really does affect us. At any one time we have so many thoughts running through our brains, its hard to keep up with them and to make sense of them all. So upon discovering this BEAUTIFUL album (and I don't say that lightly...it really is smashing!) I have taken to some musical therapy of sorts.

 

The album starts out with all the usual Sam Smith-ness that you would expect, his upbeat songs, the lovey dovey ones and the endless fab collaborations! It's the second disk that has really captured my heart and head with its hauntingly beautiful lyrics. I must confess that up until recently I was only listening to 2 songs on it because they were my faves - Drowning Shadows & Lay Me Down feat John Legend. Both these songs, as I've said above have hauntingly beautiful lyrics! 

I would drive along and just keep these two songs on repeat every time I went in my car. 

It wasn't until recently when I was playing Drowning Shadows to my mum that she encouraged me to listen to the rest of the album. Doing this was an awakening of my mind, heart and soul! The lyrics to 'drowning shadows' which is the opening track to disk 2 are sad, truthful & beautiful:
Running around chasing hearts
Chasing bodies to fix the parts
I don't know how I reached this place
So far from heaven, so far from grace

Am I wrong to give in to the pressure?
Cause I feel like the city's got the better of me
Oh, this casual love isn't what it seems
And I try to imagine something closer
And somebody who is good for me

I'm so tired of all this searching
Do I, do I, do I, do I

Go home to nothing or stay out for more?
Give in to someone or lock down my door?
Or drown all my shadows, drown them like before?
I'm drowning shadows once more

The more I drink, the more I drown
If I'm not thinking, I won't get down
The more I rise above it all
The less I care about the fall

Am I wrong to give in to the pressure?
Cause I feel like the city's got the better of me
Oh, this casual love isn't what it seems
And I try to imagine something closer
And somebody who is good for me
I'm so tired of all this searching
Do I, do I, do I, do I

Go home to nothing or stay out for more?
Give in to someone or lock down my door?
Or drown all my shadows, drown them like before?
I'm drowning shadows once more
Once more
Once more, ooh

Go home to nothing or stay out for more?
Give in to someone or lock down my door?
Or drown all my shadows, drown them like before?
I'm drowning shadows once more

Sam Smith has said that the song came from many a taxi ride after his recording sessions and that he was at a literal and thematic crossroads where he had two choices....
these lyrics and the meaning behind them hit home because we are always faced with choices in our lives when we can do something for the greater good, or do something for ourselves. Too many times in my life I have done things for the greater good. Not realising in the moment that it was never going to benefit me. I've helped people, I've supported people and sometimes (not all the time) have not received what I thought I would get in return...this has been a huge lesson for me. These days, I do what is good for me. What is right for me. What will benefit me. I make decisions based on how it will affect and support me! 
This album can be taken in so many forms. I have chosen, as stated in the title that it is musical therapy for me. I am using the music, the lyrics and the meaning behind them to help me heal. Even though many of the songs are about losing love, finding it again or realising what's right in front of you, I am singing my heart out and releasing all of my emotions - good and bad. A good friend said that the key to keeping a clear mind is to lie in a dark room, close your eyes and listen to calming music - I chose you Sam Smith! You are one amazing talent!!

Now I want to put it to the people...
What is your therapy?
Is there an album or artist that has had a profound effect on you?

Mel xx

2015..the year that was...

Lets address the obvious first...

New blog name - Hold Him Tight...this is a new year and a new start for me. Something fresh, something positive and in a way..a new focus! I want to focus on my son (I want to hold him tight!), myself and make 2016 the best year yet!

In order to move forward, I think you need to address the past and learn from it....so, I thought what better way to address the past and look to the future is a recap of the year that was. A great idea that I have pinched from the net is to assign a word/phrase to a month or time period...so here goes!

January - March

...Tired...

Aaahhhh...the first few months with a newborn and the endless lack of sleep. I did not cope well. Really...that is an understatement. Me and sleep go hand in hand. We love each other, we appreciate each other! I never realised how important sleep was until it was taken away.

I look back on this time and think...was it really that bad? was I that tired? (YES) and then I go...man I really miss that newborn phase. They're so tiny, they rely on you for everything!

April

...Rhythym...

This was the month that I found myself finally settling into some sort of pattern. I was overjoyed at this. I had found comfort in the fact that I knew my sons' schedule enough to venture out and get things done. I was getting out of the house regularly enough to feel human and I was seemingly getting everything together. Yay for me!

May

...Anxious...

The month I returned to work. The big boss had called me earlier in the year to ask me when I would be returning and I casually said that "I would totally be ready to return in May". At the time I thought that going back part time with a 5 month old would be the greatest...but in reality it tore my heart out! I was anxious about work and if it would be the same, I was worried about my son being looked after by family (although this has proven to be a godsend - thanks to my mum and MIL) and also just trying to fit back in and be the same person that could do it all.

June

...birthday...crawling practice...proud...  

Another year down..another birthday celebration. Turning 33 was hard!. I really don't feel 33...I still feel as though I'm young at heart and always will be. I did get spoilt by work, friends and family which was really nice!

 It was at this time that I felt really proud of where I was and what I had accomplished. I had a beautiful baby boy, I had returned to work, I still had time for myself and was accomplishing everything that I had set out to.

 It was also the month that my brother had took it upon himself to teach/encourage my little man to crawl. Every week at nanna's place - the brother was at it. "Pushing the little man to move" as he would say! Many an afternoon was spent encouraging bubba to go for toys!

July

...solids...mothers group...support...

I can say that without a shadow of a doubt that I have a pretty awesome mothers group. Throughout July I had been feeling quite down about the whole prospect of solids and making the whole transition to food with the little man...only because of his past tummy troubles. It was at this time that I took to my mothers group chat and confided in them that I was at the end of my rope with solids and was just not feeling the greatest about anything... To their credit they jumped at the chance to help me, guide me, just listen to me and be there for me. I stopped comparing myself and my child to all the other people in my life and knew that it would be okay in the end and that it would all happen when it was supposed to.

August

...wedding...family...

The beginning of the month was great! I was all geared up for a best friends' wedding, I had a gorgeous dress, I had sorted my make-up and I had a hunky husband to take along with me. The wedding day itself was beautiful! The bride looked smashing! The bridesmaid (my other bestie) looking gorgeous and the day itself was just magical. The hubby and I had made sure that the little one was being looked after so we could have a good time and let loose a little.

After the wedding, sensing that we (hubby and I) needed to reconnect or needed to spend more time together as a family I planned a day out at the Auburn Botanical Gardens. The day was lovely, the weather was warm, the time we spent together as a family was just what we needed!

September

...depression...

Knowing that things in life had been getting to me lately but trying to think that I was okay and that life would go on was taking its toll. Work hadn't been the same, life hadn't been joyful and crying was becoming a regular thing for me...I decided to seek some help. Seeing a doctor and getting diagnosed with depression was eye-opening! Had I been like this for a long time? Could others see it? Could they sense it? What happens next? 

What I learnt at the time was to actually accept the feelings and address them and to be okay with saying "I need help".

October - November

...coping...learning...accepting...

I had been "coping" for a while and figured that I could continue to do so. But once you open up and address what's going on, you realise that what you have been doing is hindering you and not helping. I was able to get help, I still am getting help and I continue to learn and grow from the experience. I am accepting of what's happened.

December

...1yr old...

We celebrated the 1st birthday of our little man and couldn't have been happier with how he has grown and developed in this last year. I am personally looking forward to what 2016 will bring and through this process of reflection I have seen how events and moments impact us, but also highlight how we can grow and learn!

Here's to the next year. Let's be positive, honest and open!

Mel xxx

I'm stepping back in time!

Since gaining my groove back and finding myself again after bubs, I have realised one thing....I have stepped back in time with my clothing!
You might be asking what particular decade I have returned to and I can safely say that it is NOT the 80's! Lol. The decade of choice that I find myself most comfortable and stylish in is the 50's. I'm loving all the prints of the dresses that are coming out at the moment and crushing on the style that seems to hide the things I don't like and highlight the things that I want to show off! A recent purchase made me think about how much this decade really did know how to dress women at their best! The dress of choice that inspired this post is below;

It's aptly called the 'Eye Spy' dress and I'm just loving the comfort and style all wrapped up together! It's cinched in at the waist, giving great separation and definition between my "ladies" up top and my waist below. Since having my bub, I find that my tummy has remained on my list of things that I hate
 about my body but I don't think even think about it when I'm in this dress. The other thing that I love about this dress is that it can be rocked out in summer and winter. When this dress was delivered, my friend said "you know it's winter right!?". I turned to her, smiled and said I'll just wear it with stockings and a cardi....and that's exactly what I did yesterday!
Some other recent purchases/items to covet that have inspired my return to the 50's are:

                        

My next challenge is to master the type of make-up from the 50's aswell. I love the cats eyes and do own a liquid eyeliner but have never quite mastered it...I hope to keep practising my skills and get there one day! I secretly wish that I had long hair (it doesn't suit me though..) so that I could totally rock something like this!

                   

So lets put it out there:

What's your favourite decade & how would you rock it?

Mel xxx

Post-baby styling

There is something that they don't really tell you once you have a baby:

You lose all sense of style and end up wearing whatever is most comfy.

You see the reason I make this statement is that I had this firm belief that once I had my baby, I would go back to my signature style and rock it out with a cute little baby in tow....this was not very well thought through. I am one month into motherhood and for the first three weeks I basically sat around the house in harem pants with a singlet or my pyjamas. Attractive..I know! I am now venturing out into the big wide world after becoming more aware of my son's routine and I find that the clothes that I once wore aren't very breast-feeding friendly. I am trying to re-invent my style so that I can still look and feel confident but it's hard when there is very little items that work for me at the moment. I am currently living in jumpsuits that have adjustable straps or maxi dresses.
Now, before I go and write off everything in my wardrobe that doesn't have adjustable straps, I find that I just have to look at my clothes in a different way. Tunics and dresses that previously I would jump right into have to be paired with a singlet that can cover or hide discreet little moments for feeding.
It was with great excitement that at 2am the other night that I came across a post 'like' on one of my friends FB pages, an awesome page called 'Urban Mumma'. Intrigued, I found myself heading to their page and saw that they did nursing clothes that were not only affordable but fashionable as well!


These dresses are only $59, which I think is a very reasonable price. When I head out, I want to feel confident and comfortable and not at all like a 'milk machine'. I have ordered one (the pink & purple) and it is yet to turn up, but I will give it a good, honest review when it does!
 I guess my other fear is that I don't want to become one of those mums that gets around in t-shirts and plain pants for the next few years! I refuse to end up like that! I really want to continue loving my wardrobe and I hope I do.

If you are a Mumma:
1. What did you wear post baby and when did you get your 'groove' back?
2. What did it take to get your groove back?

As always, thanks for reading!
Mel xx

The wonders of growing a human - clothing and all

I always thought that when I became pregnant that I would ease into the maternity fashion because I figured that in this day and age that there would be something out there for the plus size woman...sadly I have been disappointed.

You see, for the past few months I have been on this endless search for clothing that is going to make me look and feel pretty but to also fill me with confidence with an ever increasing bump! I have gone shopping and found basics like shift dresses, singlets, plain tees and the ever so common maternity jeans...but I'm just not that impressed or excited by these options..I want something with style!

Target seems to think that a maternity midi dress (see photo below)

will suit all types of pregnant women...I will happily accept the criticism and say that it DOES NOT! You see, if you are a woman who is taller than 160cm and you have a lovely figure to begin with then I don't think you would have a problem. But if you are like me and appeared "shapely or curvy" before and are sitting at only 161cm tall, then this dress makes you look like a child dressing up in your mums clothing. Yes it fits your bump, but I don't think it does you any other favours....

I tried this on and it came down past my knees!!... #notattractiveonashortperson

 

Asos Maternity seems to think that we are all made of money! What seems like a lovely dress that would fit me and would be very comfortable and wearable throughout the day becomes a little bit of a hassle when you have to fork out nearly $58 for it:

  

Don't get me wrong, I will happily pay for quality....but do I think this dress is worth it??...no.

Pea in a Pod and Ripe Maternity have gorgeous clothes. But what they consider to be a sale when the original cost of the dress is $139 and the new "reduced" cost is $109 (see pic below)...to me that ain't much of a bargain!. I'm not saying that their clothes aren't worth it, I just can't pay that much for something that I'm not going to wear for a long time.

Friends and family that know me, know that I will happily fork out $$$ for a quality dress that I'm going to get a lot of wear out of. I used to buy a new dress from CC every week because I knew that I would wear it again and again and I believe that it was genuinely worth it. I still have a lot of CC dresses in my wardrobe, some of them fit over my belly, some of them don't... I know that I will happily slide back into them once I've got my groove back! Below I'm wearing a CC dress, I was 28 weeks at the time and the empire waist on the dress fit me just perfectly! I do wish that City Chic would think about releasing a maternity line, as it would make such a difference to all us curvy ladies out there that still want to look fabulous on our journey to motherhood!

Now, before you go thinking that I'm just going to bag anything & everything...I will tell you that I have found some awesome items recently that have become comfy staples in my pregnancy!

I've visited each and every shop that I could think of to find the perfect comfy pant that would at least look flattering but would also be comfy to wear to work or around the house and I have to say that I found a pair in an unlikely place: Millers...I don't usually shop there but I went out on a limb this time and just swallowed my pride for a moment! Now I've tried to copy the picture to show you all, but it isn't working and I'm sure that it's because I'm using my hubby's computer there is some kind of lock on transferring pics (he's a stickler for adblock and all that stuff)... I have provided the link below for you:

http://www.millers.com.au/Printed-Soft-Pants.aspx?p6368163&cr=r0pb__023229

Now I didn't get this particular look as the ones that I have already bought are out of stock but the look is all the same. Harem style cut with a light feel that is comfy as well as easy to dress up or down. I bought myself two pairs as I'm sure I will end up going for comfort in these last few weeks rather than fashion! Lol!! 

The other Harem style pants I have found were at Big W and they are very similar in fit and material. The best thing about both the pair of pants was that they were $30 or less!

I'll give all my friends who haven't had a baby yet a fair warning that all you want in the last month of pregnancy is comfort and ease of putting the clothing on and/or off! To all the women who have looked glowing and put together all throughout your pregnancy, I commend you! I am at the stage of "bugger it..I'm done" LOL

The one thing that I can say that I have learnt throughout this pregnancy is that you learn as you go. I have never had body confidence and am the first to admit that! I have moments where I think I look fantastic and have that pregnancy glow, and then there are times when I just feel "blah"...but when I'm in one of those moods/moments, my beautiful hubby pulls me straight out of it and tells me that he loves me! Being told this when you are swollen and unhappy is like magic! Suddenly you feel on top of the world!

 I will confess that being pregnant teaches you things about your body that you didn't know before and that the whole process is quite magical! Seeing your body grow and change is just plain weird sometimes but at the same time just so bloody cool! When you first feel those flutters, it's unlike anything you've felt before. The only way I can describe it is like having an upset tummy but without the sick feeling. It feels like someone is patting their fingertips on you from the inside. When the full on kicks start a little later, its like watching Total Recall, seeing the weird alien thing move in the guys' chest! I'm not kidding! Watching your belly move like it's never moved before is just plain bizarre!! I have spent many a night just lying back on the couch and watching my tummy move. If it didn't, I poked and prodded it, drunk cold drinks and ate ice cream! LOL...Sounds like the coolest diet don't you think! But these things are always guaranteed to get bubs going..hahaha!

Well, after trying to put this post together for what seems like 6 months...I feel that I have achieved what I set out to do! I haven't got very long to go and I hope that even once bubs makes an appearance that I will keep this blog going as it is my therapy without forking out a huge amount of money!

Ramblings it may be, but I think of it as a way of talking out loud without anyone stopping me or telling me to "shut up!"....and on that point...I'll leave it there!

 xxMel

Dropped off the radar....But I had a good reason!

So I dropped off the radar for a little while, but I had a legitimate reason. You see, being married almost 2 years coming up to April this year my husband and I were and are still very happy. But there was something that I had been wanting for a little while...

I wanted a baby!

 It's not to say that my husband wasn't keen on the idea, it's just something that scared him... a lot...

What got me upset wasn't the fact that my partner in life and love was being honest with me and telling me his inner most fears, but the fact that many people I knew or had worked with were happily announcing they were pregnant on facebook and it just got me down. I kept on looking at life and thinking:

"This is not fair"

"Why not me"

"When is it my turn?"

I hated the fact that I was looking at the world in such a way that it consumed me and made me feel shit about everything. A great friend (she'll know who I'm talking about...hopefully..) told me that I just needed to be patient and posted the following picture on my fb wall:

 

I smiled, nearly cried and thought..."what the hell am I doing???"

I have a wonderful husband, a great job, the most AWESOME friends and a supportive and loving family!

From this moment on, I took a breath and just made a resolution that I wasn't going to stress this time away and be joyful in the fact that nothing...yes I said NOTHING was wrong with my life!

The funniest and best thing happened less than a month later.....

I found out I was pregnant!

Now let me tell you... It has not been smooth sailing! :( I have been sick and tired....and I'm sick of being sick and tired....

...BUT...

It's all worth it, let me tell you! Seeing that little thing wriggling around in my tummy is the weirdest and coolest thing ever!!

Now, if I stick to this years' plan of giving myself a purpose I want to continue blogging and explore the world of fashion from my perspective and continue to be true to myself. The one thing that will probably change about this blog and it's posts will be that I will be a pregnant woman exploring fashion! I think that most of my wardrobe will go happily into maternity wear, but when I try to find affordable maternity wear in Australia....I'm a little stuck!

On this new fashion tangent I'll continue to talk style, substance and all things fashion-y! I hope to find a new appreciation for my body while it continues to grow my precious little bub inside of it and hope that even though the blog has changed...slightly...that you will continue on this journey with me!

Mel xx